5 Years and Counting.........

Today, April 26th, Matthew and I are celebrating five years of marriage.  FIVE years!  I can't even believe it's been that long since we said our "I do's" and began our life together as husband and wife.  I'm sure you've heard the saying "the first five years are the toughest" regarding marriage.  If that's true, then we're in good shape because these past five years have been nothing but wonderful!  That's not to say we don't occasionally have our share of bumps in the road (what married couple doesn't??), but the Lord has shown us favor in blessing us with many more good days than bad!  

At the risk of sounding all sappy, I want to take just a few minutes to brag on Matthew for the wonderful husband and father that he is.  I feel like sometimes he gets lost in the shadows and overlooked, simply because lately the focus has all been on me and my impending health issues.  Truth is, he is the one keeping me sane and stable through all of this.  (Well, him and the Lord of course!)  Though he tends to be a little more private than I am, I'm sure he won't mind me sharing with the world just how great he is!  =)

First, as a husband, he embodies everything I could've ever imagined or hoped for in a spouse.  When I was in college and searching for the one the Lord had chosen for me, I literally made up a list of requirements that my future husband (or even boyfriend) had to meet.  My Mom can vouch for this being the honest truth---I really did have a piece of notebook paper with a list of expectations and I had no intentions of backing down from it.  Though my Mom (and many others!) told me I would never find someone to live up to these standards, I proved them all wrong when Matthew walked into my life.  Just for laughs, one of the more light-hearted requirements was that he had to drive a truck.  When first I met Matthew he drove a teeny tiny little sporty Jetta---yuck!  How unmanly is that?  (No offense to any male Jetta owners out there, but I like a man in a TRUCK!)  Just a few months after we started dating, he sold the Jetta and bought himself a brand new shiny black truck!  See, the Lord really is into the details!  =)  Obviously, that was a silly requirement but it just goes to show that the desires of my heart were met in every way possible---even down to the last detail.

More importantly than any truck were requirements like "He must be a Christian and love the Lord with all of his heart".  CHECK!  "He must not drink, smoke, curse or party".  CHECK!  "He must be pure, saving himself only for me on our wedding night".  CHECK!  "He must have a good relationship with his parents and love his Mama".  CHECK!  "He must have a good job and exhibit the ambition and determination it takes to provide for a family someday".  CHECK!  "He must get along with my family, especially my Dad". CHECK, DOUBLE CHECK!  Then there were a few other silly ones such as "He must love to hunt and fish".  Matthew has always loved to fish (though he won't dare eat them---guess I should've been even MORE specific!), and just recently he has taken up hunting thanks to my Dad.  Be careful what you wish for!  

My life verse for that season of my life was Philippians 4:6-8 which says......

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

Just as the scripture says, I made my requests known to God.....boy did I ever!!  I let it be known EXACTLY what I expected in a husband and I let it be known quite often! And guess what.....the Lord held true to His promises by ushering Matthew into my life!  He was and is all of the silly things on my list and so much more!   Not only that, I believe the Lord's timing was spot on, as Matthew and I met during the exact time that all of my health issues were just beginning.  He came into my life at a very difficult and uncertain time, yet he wasn't scared off by any of it and instead vowed to walk with me through it.  When most new couples are trying to make the best impression possible, Matthew was seeing me at my absolute worst!  That's how I knew he was the one I had been praying for.  He loved me for me.  We met on a blind date in July of 2006 but didn't officially start dating until much later in December of 2006. (I was intimidated by the idea of a long distance relationship with him in Ft. Myers, FL and me in Tallahassee.  Thankfully, I got over that!)  Unbeknownst to me, he bought my engagement ring just one month later in January of 2007.  He held onto it until March of 2007, when he finally popped the question.  So from the time we started dating ("officially"), until the day we got engaged was just three short months.  Crazy to some I'm sure, but as they say, "when you know you just know!"  I KNEW!

As Matthew and I began our lives together as husband and wife, I often dreamed (as every girl does, I'm sure) of how he would be as a Father to our children.  I longed for the day that I was able to see him step into this role and I prayed he would do so with the same wisdom that he had displayed as a husband.  Again, my prayers were answered.  From the moment we found out we were expecting, he confidently took on his role as a Father, taking care of me during those difficult first months that pregnancy so graciously brings.  (Ha!)  Then, I watched as his heart softened and grew when we found out our baby was a girl.  I melted to a puddle the first time I saw him hold her, and I just knew he had what it would take to be the Daddy of a little girl.  Now, each and every Saturday morning I smile as I watch them walk hand-in-hand out the door together, headed for their weekly Daddy-Daughter breakfast, just the two of them.  Any man can be a Father, but it takes a special person to be a Daddy.  He's got what it takes, of this I'm sure!  

Looking back on this day five years ago, we had no idea the types of trials that we would soon be facing.  Yet, we vowed to one another "in sickness and in health".  I remember specifically that this was the moment in our vows when tears filled my eyes and it was visible to others that I was crying.  Of all the words that were exchanged that day, these are the ones that struck my heart the most.  It's as if I had a premonition about what was to come.  Yet, my tears were not tears of sadness or fear but tears of thankfulness and comfort for the gift I was being given in Matthew.  The gift of knowing he would in fact love me and stand by me, come what may.  Now, five years later here we are on the brink of the biggest challenge of our lives and he is still amazing me each and every day with his selflessness and his willingness to put my needs above his, no matter the cost.  Though I certainly don't FEEL like any Princess, he certainly does treat me like one!  

Lately I've been struggling with a lot of feelings of guilt, thinking how unfair it is that Matthew is essentially "stuck" with me as a wife.  A wife whose astronomical medical bills he must work hard to pay and whose health costs often eat up his quarterly bonuses and "fun" money before it's ever even accounted for.  A wife who typically doesn't have the energy to cook gourmet dinners, plan romantic date nights or extravagant vacations.  A wife who often feels unattractive, self-conscious and anything but beautiful.  A wife who at times, cannot even take care of herself much less an entire family.  A wife whose needs must come before his own and whose needs often exceed the expectations of most husbands and Fathers.  I frequently ask Matthew if he knew what was to come, would he still have married me...??  He just rolls his eyes and dismisses my silly question with a very stern "yes!"  The thing is, I believe him.  I really do.  That's how I know he's the one I was meant for all along. 

Thank you, Matthew for giving me the life I've always dreamed of......Things I had always hoped for but never imagined would become a reality.  

Here's to 5 years......Let's make it 50!  

I love you!!!

"Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion" ~Dolly Parton in Steel Magnolias

Even after 5 years, I still get teary eyed when I watch this slideshow and listen to the words of the song..........

http://www.megphoto.com/slideshow/ashleigh_anne_matthew/